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The Nice Fast
Last Week’s Tools:
Part One of the Homework
Everything has a cost to it. It's important to know what it is and embrace it so it doesn't derail your efforts.
Here's what I saw this week: We’ve heard that crises can lead to transformation. But what we don’t often hear about is that transformation can cause a crisis. The reason being that when we enter a time of deep change, stuff we managed by ignoring or tolerating it gets really in your face. In my case that looked like this: I noticed how often I use retail therapy to make myself feel better, particularly when I feel challenged. Small rewards for a few dollars at a time sounds like a good solution but the truth is that I’m “medicating” instead of solving whatever challenge I’m facing. As long as I wasn’t aiming to be badass as defined by the 2019 Badass challenge which calls for you to step so fully into your power that you can create the exact life you want to live, this was a fine arrangement. But now I feel a badass doesn’t soothe or gloss over problems, they solve them!
Some questions you might find helpful: What things are you glossing over? What crutches do you cling to instead of tackling whatever messes with your life?
Part Two of the Homework
The two big steps for me were to 1) stop fudging or making excuses for not keeping an explicit or implicit promise and 2) to step back from being overly ambitions in order to be good enough and worthy. Did I really have to make it "Pick three items?" One item seems a fine beginning and leaves more time and mental and emotional bandwidth for the third part of the homework which was self-care.
Questions you might find helpful: Where do you make excuses, for yourself or others? Where are you over or under ambitious?
Part Three of the Homework
How are you doing with self-care? Are you prioritize your own wellbeing?
I hope you are because that’s part of being a badass. And if you aren’t, there’s always this coming week. It’s more a matter of practicing than of getting it right. The former is a “process,” the latter is a “goal.” Remember we talked about that in a previous podcast--becoming a badass is a process not the reaching of a goal. I say that because there’s not some point in the future from when on you’re a badass forevermore. Life always has more challenges and opportunities in store. You never stop growing and evolving and whatever being a badass means to you also keeps evolving.
I gave a tarot reading to a client yesterday which reminded me of a huge obstacle to being a badass: The need to be liked. I don’t think that requires a lot of explanation. Obviously if you need to be liked you’ll have to compromise in all kinds of ways. You might hold back, play small, and go along to get along. Not very badass.
Here is what you can do about it: Go on a Nice Fast
How the Nice Fast Works
The times you catch yourself being nice, acquiescing, agreeing, giving in, or staying quiet, ask yourself if you are doing it for brownie points or to avoid conflict and if deep inside you wish you had the courage to say or do something. Awesome! This is your golden opportunity for the Nice Fast: Just don’t be nice. What??!! You might think: How can I not be nice? People expect me to be nice! I gotta be nice! Not if it means not being true to yourself. I did a Nice Fast in the mid 2000’s and it was an absolute eye-opener! There was no fall-out. On the contrary. Suddenly, people were offering to do all kinds of emotional labor for me to make me feel better so I'd be nice again. Wow! It was weird. And uncomfortable. I expected to be hated. But, instead, I was more liked because people experienced me as more authentic.
If you decide to do the Nice Fast, obviously, you'll want to use your judgment: Don’t tell your boss to shove off unless you’ve got a better job lined up. Badasses are not consumed with the need to be liked but they can still be diplomatic.
This coming week’s work in bullets:
Thank you so much for reading. I love you. Wherever you are on your badass journey, I know you are whole and wise and divine, perfect as you are and as you are not this very minute. Bye for now.
Henry India Holden
I write about the divineness of life in its many forms. Writer, artist, spiritual director, life coach, tarotist. Nonbinary.